Whoever you may be, wherever you are in this world, it’s been a while. A while is possibly an understatement though; it’s been months. With university commitments and my life in general getting in the way, I’ve been a bit busy and almost completely forgot about the mere existence of this blog.
A few minutes ago I found myself curled up in my bed, under the blankets, crying. Crying you may ask, for what reason? I was crying about my body. It’s no secret that many people, probably everyone in their lifetime, whether male or female, has experienced body confidence issues. I definitely experience them regularly.
Recently I’ve managed to find myself a boyfriend. Totally unexpected, the way I think it’s meant to be. As much as I love him dearly I can’t help but feel that my body confidence issues have worsened over the period of time that we have been together. Of course this has absolutely nothing to do with him – he has not once told me I’m unattractive or made me feel such a way, but I feel as though I’ve become more conscious of how I look. I’m not sure if any other people experience or have experienced such a thing, so whether or not it is odd, I haven’t a clue. Perhaps I feel as though I’ve got someones eyes on me all of the time and that I must please these eyes. Perhaps I feel as though people are looking at me with him, viewing us as a couple and thinking about whether he could do better than me. It’s hard to know, but it’s something I’m experiencing regularly.
So often nowadays I look at myself in the mirror and just simply sigh. I sigh at the fact that I have no idea when my skin will clear up. I sigh at the fact that I have to accept having the tiniest boobs on the entire planet (how do I have to deal with a teeny-tiny A-cup when my sister is a D?). You get the point, I sigh. It’s like I’m almost disappointed in the way that I look and wish that I could somehow change myself. Of course I know that there are ways I could go about doing this (for instance, surgery), but the thought of that terrifies me.
There is so much pressure put on both males and females nowadays to have this “ideal” body or “ideal” look about them. I’ve taken up some work as a fashion photographer and have heard some of the awful things people say about other people’s bodies.
“Her boobs aren’t big enough”
“He/she looks fat and needs to lose weight”
Of course this comes with the fashion industry, “naturally”, but I still thinks it’s awful.
The real question is: are we ever going to be truly happy with what we look like? The answer is no. To be frank, I think that’s an incredibly sad reality. Imagine if we lived in a world where we could all just love what we look like and have no desire to judge one another for such a materialistic property.
So, to my readers out there, leave me a comment detailing if you’ve ever experienced anything of the sort and how you have come to cope. I’d be very interested to read your responses.